We hope that your goal in life is to walk the path of Tawheed (Islamic monotheism) and Sunnah. To achieve this, you must surround yourself with people who share the same vision and passion. This includes friends and companions, but most importantly, your spouse. Choosing a righteous wife who will nurture your children on this path is crucial. Selecting a wife extends beyond outer beauty and humor. It's about finding a life partner, a co-creator of your family chapters, the mother of your children, and your steadfast companion through life's trials. Here we explore key qualities to prioritize when seeking the ideal wife to accompany you in this life and the hereafter.
1. Deen: The Pillar of Faith
At the core of a successful marriage should be her relationship with Allah ﷻ (yours should be too). The importance of choosing a sister committed to her deen cannot be overstated. Our beloved Prophet ﷺ advised us to marry righteous women, stating,
“This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” [Muslim, 1467; Ibn Majah, 1855]. Another narration states, “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty, and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper)” [Bukhari, 4802; Muslim, 1466].
A righteous woman centers her life around the commands of Allah ﷻ and His Messenger ﷺ, steadfast in her obligatory actions and eager in her sunnah practices.
2. Adab and Akhlaaq: The Art of Graceful Conduct
A righteous wife embodies good character and manners—a gentle demeanor, kindness towards others, and respectful speech. She avoids foul language, meanness, brashness, and displays humility. The ability to communicate gracefully, showing attentiveness and open-mindedness, is essential. A marriage filled with grace and kindness not only brings joy but also strengthens the bond between partners and sets a positive example for children.
3. Hayaa: Safeguarding Honor
The importance of choosing a wife who values and safeguards her chastity cannot be overstated. This includes avoiding mixing with the opposite gender, posting personal photos online, and other actions that could lead to haraam. Such modesty and shyness (hayaa) honor her through obedience to Allah ﷻ and His Messenger ﷺ, making her a trustworthy partner and a good role model for your daughters.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “The best of your women are those who are loving, fertile, suitable, and comforting, if they fear Allah. The worst of your women unveil their beauty, take pride in their appearance, and they are hypocrites. None of them will enter Paradise except as rarely as you see a red-beaked crow” [al-Sunan al-Kubrá 12480, Sahih according to Al-Albani].
4. Gratitude: Nurturing Appreciation
Gratitude is a cornerstone of a thriving marriage. Choosing a wife who genuinely appreciates her spouse can significantly strengthen the bond between partners and lead to lasting happiness.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlighted the importance of gratitude in marital harmony, saying, “Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband while she cannot take care of herself without him” [al-Sunan al-Kubra lil-Nasa'i 9086].
5. Beauty: A Source of Joy
Physical attraction, while not the sole criterion, plays a role in marital happiness.
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: "The best type of wife is the one who makes her husband happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him when he instructs her, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.".
While beauty is subjective, a basic level of attraction is necessary and love can grow over time through a person's character and interactions.
6. Relationships with Family and Friends: An Insight into What to Expect
The way a potential wife interacts with her family can reveal much about her approach to responsibilities, respect for elders, and overall social demeanor. Maintaining a respectful and loving relationship with her parents and siblings suggests strong family values, likely to extend into her role in your family. Notably, her relationship with her father can be particularly telling—if she is obedient and respectful towards him, it's a promising sign of her character and values.
7. Raising Righteous Children: Guiding Lights of the Future
The role of a mother is pivotal in Islam; she is often the primary influence in her children's early years. Choosing a wife who is dedicated to seeking knowledge, loves children, and intends teaching Islamic principles to her children is crucial for the spiritual, moral, and emotional development of your family. Remember, "You are who you spend time with," and the mother's traits and values are likely to be passed on to the children.
Summary
Selecting a wife involves balancing various aspects of her character—her manners, religious commitment, beauty, gratitude, and commitment to raising children. These qualities, when harmonized, form the foundation of a strong, loving, and enduring marital bond.
Remember, if you desire the best wife, strive to be the best husband. "Good women are for good men, and good men for good women" [Quran 24:26].
May Allah ﷻ grant you a righteous wife, Ameen!