Assalamu alaikum dear brothers and sisters ✨,
Many Muslim women today ask the same question:
“What makes a good husband in Islam?” “How do I know if a man is righteous?”
There's a difference between being loved by a man and being loved by a man who fears Allah ﷻ.
One will love you when you're beautiful, but leave when you age. The other sees your beauty as an amanah (trust) from Allah ﷻ and cherishes you through every season of life.
One will love you when you're easy, but struggle when you're difficult. The other remembers that the Prophet ﷺ was patient with his wives in their most challenging moments, and follows that example.
One will love you according to his mood, his desires, his convenience. The other loves you with a love that is grounded in taqwa (consciousness of Allah ﷻ), refined by the Qur'an, and modelled on the Sunnah.
As a Muslim woman, this is what you should be searching for. Not just someone who claims to love you, but someone whose love is shaped by his fear of Allah ﷻ. Because when a man fears Allah ﷻ in how he treats you, his love becomes a mercy, a protection, and a means of drawing you closer to Jannah.
This isn't a fairytale. This is the Islamic standard. And it's what you deserve.
What It Means When a Man Fears Allah ﷻ
Before we talk about how his fear of Allah ﷻ affects his love for you, let's understand what "fearing Allah ﷻ" actually means.
Taqwa isn't just about praying five times a day or growing a beard. It's about consciousness of Allah ﷻ in every moment, every decision, every interaction. It means:
- He knows Allah ﷻ is watching, even when no one else can see
- He prioritises Allah's ﷻ pleasure over his own desires
- He follows the Qur'an and Sunnah even when it's difficult
- He holds himself accountable before anyone else does
- He fears Allah's ﷻ punishment and hopes for His mercy
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
"The most perfect of believers in faith are those who are best in character, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1162]
Notice the connection: perfection in faith is directly tied to how he treats his wife. A man who fears Allah ﷻ knows that his treatment of you is part of his accountability before Allah ﷻ.
When a man truly fears Allah ﷻ, his love for you isn't just emotion. It's worship.
He Sees You as an Amanah, Not a Possession
One of the most profound differences in how a God-fearing man loves you is how he views you.
Most men see their wives as possessions, extensions of themselves, or sources of service. A man who fears Allah ﷻ sees you as an amanah, a trust placed in his care by Allah ﷻ.
Allah ﷻ says:
"Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due."
[Qur'an 4:58]
You are not his property. You are a trust from Allah ﷻ. And trusts must be:
- Protected
- Honoured
- Cared for with excellence
- Returned to Allah ﷻ in good condition
What This Looks Like Practically
He protects your dignity:
- He never speaks badly about you to others
- He defends your honour in your absence
- He doesn't share your private matters, even with his family
- He covers your mistakes instead of exposing them
He honours your emotional wellbeing:
- He doesn't dismiss your feelings as "overreacting"
- He creates a safe space for you to be vulnerable
- He takes your concerns seriously, even when he doesn't fully understand
- He protects you from his anger and frustration
He cares for your physical needs:
- He ensures you have clothing, food, shelter according to his means
- He doesn't neglect his responsibilities as a provider
- He pays attention to your health and comfort
- He makes sacrifices to ensure you're cared for
He nurtures your spiritual growth:
- He encourages you in your deen
- He reminds you of Allah ﷻ when you're struggling
- He creates an environment where worship is easy
- He sees your growth in faith as his success
The Prophet ﷺ was asked: "What is the right of the wife over her husband?" He replied:
"That you feed her when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her face, do not revile her, and do not separate from her except within the house."
[Sunan Abu Dawood 2142]
A man who fears Allah ﷻ knows these aren't just guidelines, they're commands from Allah ﷻ that he'll be questioned about.
He Controls His Anger, Even When You're Wrong
Here's a test of a man's taqwa: watch how he handles anger.
A man without taqwa explodes. He yells. He says hurtful things. He might even raise his hand. Then later, he apologises and promises to change, but the cycle repeats.
A man who fears Allah ﷻ controls himself, even when he's justified in being upset.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"The strong person is not the one who can wrestle, but the strong person is the one who controls himself when he is angry."
[Sahih al-Bukhari 6114]
What This Looks Like
When you make a mistake, he responds with:
- Patience, not rage
- Understanding, not condemnation
- A conversation, not a lecture
- Seeking solution, not seeking to punish
When you say something hurtful in a moment of anger:
- He doesn't match your tone
- He doesn't say something worse back
- He might walk away to calm down, but he doesn't storm off and ignore you for days
- He addresses the issue when you're both calm
When he's stressed or frustrated about other things:
- He doesn't take it out on you
- He tells you he needs space instead of snapping at you
- He makes wudu, prays, or seeks Allah's ﷻ help
- He apologises if he was short with you
Aisha (may Allah ﷻ be pleased with her) said:
"The Messenger of Allah ﷺ never struck a servant, a woman, or anything with his hand."
[Sahih Muslim 2328]
If the best of creation, who had every right to be obeyed, never raised his hand or voice in anger at his wives, what excuse does any other man have?
He Forgives You as He Wants Allah ﷻ to Forgive Him
A man who fears Allah ﷻ understands the weight of unforgiveness. He knows that if he holds grudges against you, how can he expect Allah ﷻ to forgive him?
Allah ﷻ says:
"And let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you?"
[Qur'an 24:22]
The Difference in His Forgiveness
When you apologise:
- He accepts it genuinely
- He doesn't bring it up again in future arguments
- He doesn't keep score of past mistakes
- He moves forward without resentment
When you hurt him:
- He doesn't punish you with silence for days
- He doesn't withhold affection as revenge
- He doesn't make you "pay" for your mistake
- He separates the action from your worth
When the same issue repeats:
- He addresses it with patience, not "I told you so"
- He looks for solutions together, not just blame
- He makes dua for both of you, not just frustration at you
- He remembers his own repeated mistakes before Allah ﷻ
This doesn't mean he's a doormat. It means he's wise enough to know that:
- Everyone makes mistakes
- Forgiveness is what keeps love alive
- Holding grudges destroys marriages
- Allah ﷻ is watching how he treats you
The Prophet ﷺ exemplified this. Aisha (may Allah ﷻ be pleased with her) said:
"I never saw anyone who smiled more than the Messenger of Allah ﷺ."
[Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3574]
Despite the challenges, betrayals, and difficulties he faced, he remained gentle and forgiving with his family.
He Prioritises Your Rights Over His Preferences
This is where many men fail, even those who appear outwardly religious.
They pray five times a day. They fast Ramadan. They might even have memorised Qur'an. But when it comes to their wives, they prioritise their own comfort, their parents' demands, or cultural expectations over what Islam actually obligates.
A man who truly fears Allah ﷻ knows that your rights over him are not optional.
Your Islamic Rights He Respects
1. Right to Nafaqah (Financial Support)
He provides for you according to his means. He doesn't make you beg for necessities. He doesn't complain about every expense. He fulfils this with generosity, not stinginess.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"A dinar you spend in the way of Allah, a dinar you spend to free a slave, a dinar you give in charity to a needy person, and a dinar you spend on your family, the one that brings the greatest reward is the one you spend on your family."
[Sahih Muslim 995]
2. Right to Kind Treatment
Allah ﷻ commands:
"And live with them in kindness."
[Qur'an 4:19]
Not tolerance. Not patience. Kindness. Even when you're difficult. Even when he's tired. Even when you disagree.
3. Right to Intimacy and Affection
Your physical and emotional needs matter. He doesn't neglect you or make you feel unwanted. He approaches intimacy with consideration and gentleness, not entitlement.
4. Right to Your Own Wealth
If you work or have money, it's yours. He doesn't pressure you to contribute financially unless you volunteer. He doesn't see your income as "our money" and his as "my money."
5. Right to Maintain Family Ties
He doesn't cut you off from your family. He doesn't make you choose between him and them. He facilitates your connection with your parents and siblings.
6. Right to Time and Attention
He doesn't ignore you for work, friends, or entertainment constantly. He gives you quality time, conversation, and presence, not just his physical body in the room while he's mentally checked out.
When Your Rights Conflict With His Preferences
His mother wants you to do something unreasonable:
- He doesn't just say "she's my mother, you have to obey"
- He mediates with wisdom and justice
- He protects you from unfair treatment
- He remembers that your rights are from Allah ﷻ, not negotiable
He wants something you're not comfortable with:
- He doesn't coerce or manipulate
- He discusses, not demands
- He respects your boundaries
- He prioritises your comfort over his desires
Cultural expectations conflict with Islamic rights:
- He follows Islam, not culture
- He doesn't excuse bad treatment with "this is how things are done"
- He stands up for what's right, even if it's unpopular
- He fears Allah ﷻ more than he fears people's criticism
This is the man who truly fears Allah ﷻ, one who prioritises divine commands over cultural comfort.
He Listens to You Like the Prophet ﷺ Listened to His Wives
One of the most beautiful aspects of the Prophet's ﷺ character was how he listened to his wives.
He didn't dismiss them. He didn't interrupt. He didn't tell them their concerns were invalid. He listened, truly listened, and often acted on their advice.
Historical Examples
Umm Salama's advice during the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah:
When the Prophet ﷺ commanded the Companions to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads, they hesitated. He was troubled by their delay. Umm Salama advised him:
"O Prophet of Allah, do not speak to anyone, but go out and sacrifice your animal and shave your head."
He followed her advice, and when the Companions saw him do it, they immediately followed. Her counsel changed the course of history.
Khadijah's support during revelation:
When the Prophet ﷺ received his first revelation and came home trembling, Khadijah didn't dismiss his fear. She listened, comforted him, believed him, and took him to her cousin Waraqah for guidance. She was his first supporter.
What This Looks Like in Your Marriage
When you voice a concern:
- He stops what he's doing and gives you attention
- He maintains eye contact and body language that shows he's engaged
- He asks clarifying questions instead of making assumptions
- He validates your feelings even if he doesn't fully agree
When you give advice:
- He considers it seriously, even if it challenges his initial thought
- He doesn't dismiss it just because "I'm the man/leader"
- He implements good advice regardless of who it comes from
- He thanks you for your wisdom and perspective
When you're upset:
- He doesn't immediately try to "fix" it or tell you why you shouldn't feel that way
- He lets you express yourself fully
- He acknowledges your emotions
- He asks, "What do you need from me right now?"
When you disagree:
- He doesn't shut down the conversation
- He doesn't raise his voice to overpower you
- He seeks to understand your perspective
- He's willing to compromise when possible
The Prophet ﷺ was asked what he did at home. The response:
"He was in the service of his family, and when the time for prayer came, he would go out for prayer."
[Sahih al-Bukhari 676]
Service includes emotional service, being present, listening, caring about her thoughts and feelings.
He Makes Dua for You, Not Just Complaints About You
Here's a subtle but profound sign of taqwa: what does he do when you frustrate him?
A man without taqwa complains. To his friends. To his family. To anyone who will listen. He vents about you, exposes your faults, and seeks validation for his frustration.
A man who fears Allah ﷻ makes dua. For you, for the marriage, for Allah ﷻ to soften both of your hearts.
The Prophet ﷺ taught us:
"The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence is answered. An angel is appointed at his head, and whenever he prays for his brother for something good, the angel says: 'Ameen, and may you have the same.'"
[Sahih Muslim 2732]
What His Dua for You Looks Like
Instead of complaining to others, he prays:
- "O Allah ﷻ, soften her heart and mine"
- "O Allah ﷻ, grant us understanding of each other"
- "O Allah ﷻ, make us better for each other"
- "O Allah ﷻ, increase the mercy and love between us"
When you're struggling spiritually:
- He makes dua for Allah ﷻ to guide you
- He makes dua for Allah ﷻ to make worship easy for you
- He makes dua that you become one of the righteous
When you're going through difficulty:
- He makes dua for your relief
- He makes dua for your strength
- He makes dua for Allah ﷻ to help you through it
Before major decisions:
- He makes dua for Allah ﷻ to guide you both
- He makes istikhara for your collective future
- He asks Allah ﷻ to bless the path you choose together
This doesn't mean he never discusses issues with you. But he doesn't broadcast your private matters or turn others against you. He takes his concerns to Allah ﷻ first, then addresses them with you directly with wisdom and respect.
He Sees Your Flaws and Loves You Anyway
Let's be real: you're not perfect. You have bad days. You say things you regret. You're moody sometimes. You make mistakes.
A man who fears Allah ﷻ doesn't love you despite your flaws, he loves you through them, because he knows he has flaws too.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another."
[Sahih Muslim 1469]
What This Looks Like
When you're not at your best:
- He doesn't withdraw his love or affection
- He doesn't make you feel like you're failing
- He shows mercy and patience
- He remembers your good qualities
When you gain weight or age:
- He doesn't compare you to younger women
- He doesn't make you feel unattractive
- He finds new reasons to appreciate you
- He remembers beauty is temporary but character is eternal
When you're difficult:
- He doesn't threaten divorce or second wife
- He doesn't punish you with silence or coldness
- He addresses the behaviour without attacking your character
- He prays for patience and understanding
When you make mistakes:
- He focuses on the 99 things you do right, not the 1 thing you did wrong
- He corrects you gently when needed
- He doesn't bring up past mistakes
- He believes in your ability to improve
He remembers what the Prophet ﷺ demonstrated: that loving someone means accepting their full humanity, the good days and the difficult ones, the moments of beauty and the moments of struggle.
He Encourages You in Your Deen, Not Just Household Duties
Many men want wives who cook, clean, and take care of the home. Few men actively encourage their wives' relationship with Allah ﷻ.
A man who fears Allah ﷻ knows that the best wife isn't the one with the best biryani recipe, it's the one with the strongest iman. And he invests in nurturing your spiritual growth.
How He Encourages Your Deen
He facilitates your worship:
- He doesn't make you feel guilty for taking time to pray properly
- He helps with children so you can have uninterrupted prayer time
- He encourages you to attend Islamic classes or lectures
- He supports your Qur'an memorisation or study
He prays with you:
- He invites you to pray Fajr together
- He encourages praying Tahajjud as a couple
- He leads you in optional prayers at home
- He makes the home a place where worship is easy
He reminds you of Allah ﷻ:
- When you're stressed, he reminds you to make dua
- When you're worried, he recites Qur'an with you
- When you're struggling, he reminds you of Allah's ﷻ mercy
- When you're happy, he reminds you to be grateful
He supports your Islamic goals:
- If you want to memorise Qur'an, he facilitates it
- If you want to wear niqab, he supports your choice
- If you want to learn Arabic, he encourages it
- If you want to give charity, he doesn't resent it
The Prophet ﷺ would wake Aisha for Tahajjud prayer. He would teach her. He would listen to her recitation. Her spiritual growth mattered to him.
A man who fears Allah ﷻ knows: if his wife becomes more righteous, his home becomes more blessed, his children become more guided, and his own akhirah becomes more secure.
He Protects Your Heart, Not Just Your Body
Physical protection is important. But a man who fears Allah ﷻ knows that your emotional and spiritual protection is equally vital.
He Protects You From
His own harmful behaviour:
- He doesn't use harsh words that scar your heart
- He doesn't gaslight you or manipulate your emotions
- He doesn't make you doubt your worth or sanity
- He doesn't project his insecurities onto you
External harm:
- He defends you from family members who speak badly about you
- He protects you from friends who disrespect your marriage
- He guards you from situations that could compromise your dignity
- He shields you from people who would harm your deen
Spiritual harm:
- He doesn't introduce haram into the home (inappropriate content, music with bad messages, etc.)
- He doesn't pressure you to compromise Islamic principles
- He doesn't mock your religiosity or make you feel "too strict"
- He creates an environment where taqwa can flourish
Emotional harm:
- He doesn't play mind games or give silent treatment
- He doesn't threaten the marriage every time you disagree
- He doesn't compare you to other women
- He doesn't weaponise your vulnerabilities against you
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"The best of you are those who are best to their wives."
[Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895]
"Best" includes protecting her from all forms of harm, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
He Prepares With You for Jannah, Not Just Dunya
Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of being loved by a man who fears Allah ﷻ is this: he's not just building a life with you in this world. He's building a path to Jannah with you.
Allah ﷻ says:
"Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness."
[Qur'an 43:70]
What This Looks Like
He thinks long-term:
- His decisions factor in akhirah, not just dunya
- He asks: "Will this please Allah ﷻ?" not just "Will this make us happy?"
- He prioritises halal income over haram wealth
- He values character over material success
He raises righteous children with you:
- He sees parenting as preparing future Muslims for Jannah
- He teaches children about Allah ﷻ with wisdom and love
- He models good character for them
- He makes dua for their guidance constantly
He builds a legacy of good deeds:
- He encourages sadaqah jariyah (ongoing charity)
- He supports Islamic causes together
- He teaches beneficial knowledge
- He leaves behind more than just wealth
He makes dua for your reunion in Jannah:
- He asks Allah ﷻ to make you both among the people of Paradise
- He prays that your marriage continues in the next life
- He sees this temporary life as preparation for eternal companionship
- He forgives quickly because he doesn't want small issues to separate you in akhirah
The Prophet ﷺ taught us:
"When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or a righteous child who prays for him."
[Sahih Muslim 1631]
A man who fears Allah ﷻ sees his wife not just as his companion in dunya, but as his partner in building an akhirah legacy.
This Is What You Deserve, And What You Should Look For
If you're not married yet, don't settle for less than this. Don't marry a man who:
- Only loves you when it's convenient
- Controls his anger with others but explodes at you
- Fulfils his religious obligations but ignores yours
- Expects you to fear Allah ﷻ but doesn't fear Allah ﷻ in how he treats you
Look for a man whose taqwa is evident in his character, his treatment of his mother and sisters, his speech, his dealings with people, and his commitment to the Sunnah.
And if you're already married to a man who struggles with taqwa, make dua for him. Encourage him gently. Be patient. And remember that your own taqwa can be a means of his guidance.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
"If someone with whose religion and character you are pleased comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be turmoil in the land and widespread corruption."
[Sunan at-Tirmidhi 1084]
Religion and character. These are the two things that matter most. Everything else is negotiable.
Your Next Step: Marry Someone Who Wants Jannah More Than Anything
If you're searching for a spouse, join Sunni Marriage, where you'll find men who understand that loving their wife is part of fearing Allah ﷻ.
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💝 For women seeking men who prioritise taqwa
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Because you don't just deserve to be loved. You deserve to be loved by a man who sees loving you as worship, treating you well as obligation to Allah ﷻ, and building Jannah with you as his ultimate goal.
May Allah ﷻ grant every sister a husband who fears Allah ﷻ in how he treats her. May He grant you a man whose love is a mercy, whose presence is peace, and whose goal is to meet you again in Jannah.
Ameen.
