Assalamu alaikum dear brothers and sisters ✨,
Marriage is one of the most important decisions in life. Islam encourages us to choose wisely, looking beyond appearances and words to the reality of a person’s character and faith. While no one is perfect, there are certain red flags that should never be ignored. These traits can make married life extremely difficult and may even harm your deen and future family.
Here are key red flags to look out for when considering a man for marriage:
1. Extremely Quick to Anger
If his temper controls him now, it will only get worse in marriage. Anger that leads to shouting, breaking things, or disrespect is a sign of weak self - control.
True strength in Islam is not about overpowering others, but about mastering yourself.
“The strong man is not the one who throws others down, but the one who controls himself when he is angry.”
[Bukhari & Muslim]
Patience = strength, not rage.
2. Hides His Deen from the World
If his Islam is only for the masjid, but disappears in private or online, this shows inconsistency. Religion should shape character, not be worn like a mask.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character.”
[Tirmidhi]
If his deen is real, it will be visible in both public and private life.
3. Immature Lifestyle and Mentality
A man who spends his nights gaming, wasting money, or hanging out aimlessly in cafés is not ready to lead a household. Marriage requires maturity, responsibility, and focus on family.
The Qur’an describes believers as people who manage their time wisely and avoid idle talk and actions. If he hasn’t outgrown an immature lifestyle, he’s not ready to raise a family.
4. No Qiwāmah (Responsibility)
Allah ﷻ gave men the responsibility of qiwāmah — to protect, provide, and lead with justice. A man who avoids work, refuses responsibility, or doesn’t care to provide is not fulfilling this divine role.
“Men are protectors and maintainers of women…”
[4:34]
Without qiwāmah, marriage falls into imbalance.
5. Disrespectful to Women
Pay attention to how he treats his mother, sisters, and other women. If he belittles them, don’t expect respect in marriage.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
[Tirmidhi]
A man’s character is shown by how he treats the women in his life. Disrespect here is a major red flag.
Final Thoughts
No one is perfect, but certain traits should never be ignored. Anger issues, immaturity, lack of responsibility, and disrespect are not small flaws — they are serious problems that can destroy a marriage.
When choosing a husband, look for taqwa, maturity, responsibility, and good character. These qualities build a foundation for a healthy, loving, and lasting marriage.
Marriage is not just about the present — it’s about building a future together in this world and the next. Don’t ignore the red flags.
May Allah ﷻ guide every sister to a spouse of taqwa, protect our marriages from harm, and bless our homes with tranquility, mercy, and barakah. Ameen.